The TSA Intruder Song

They're climbing in your crotches
Snatchin' your raisins up
Tryna pretend their securin
So you better hide your kids, hide your wife and hide your gradmama

Jerry Brown's Victory Rally

Congratulations, California!

Brain Dead Voting Bloc Now Reality

WASHINGTON (GP News) – In an unprecedented move by President Obama, those voters previously disenfranchised by their inability to be conscious now have the right to vote through proxies by new executive order.

“No longer will those in vegetative states, comas and various other debilitating states be discriminated against,” said the President in a prepared statement to an empty press room. “Just because someone doesn't have the brains to vote doesn't mean they can't vote.”

Paul Dane, Chairman of the Committee For The Lucidly Impaired, hailed the move as President Obama's contribution to the Civil Rights Movement. Speaking for his comatose mother-in-law, “Free at last! Oh my God, we are free at last!” Dane, a resident of Oregon, then left the hospital to vote for Proposition 45, a law that would allow for immediate euthanasia of elderly patients in vegetative states.

Surprisingly, the Republicans have responded quite tamely. RNC Chairman Micheal Steele told GP News that he “supported the expansion of freedom” to those who previously could not vote. While questioning the legality of using an executive order, Steele reminded the reporter that he was black, so he knew everything about being oppressed, especially by those in his own party. After that statement, Steele then asked if the interview was off the record.

GP News called several new voters in an attempt to get a more broad sampling of opinions, but no calls were returned.

Obama Wags At Harper

Look, I know you're Canadian, but hockey is American now.

Famous War Quotes As Said By the UN #2: Hugging Trees In The Shade

“That'll adversely effect the climate!”
-Dienekes
after hearing Persian arrows can blot out the Sun

Anti-Americanism and You!

A quick guide on how to be a rebel while reaping
the benefits of the country you hate!

Do you feel you're too patriotic? How about proud? Happy? Healthy? Does the stench of prosperity, legal equality and freedom bring you down?

Well, don't fret any longer because you, yes YOU, can be an anti-American rebel! You can be a unique snowflake of ignorance and hate along with all the other snowflakes!

First, you need to pick your ideology:

Communism
Tell people what to do!

Socialism
Tell people what to do nicely!

Progressivism/Fascism
Tell people what to do through the use of flawed moral reasoning/guns!

Left-Anarchism
Tell people what to do through horizontally organization!

Right-Anarchism
What? Did someone say money?!?

Left-Isolationist
We deserve it because we're capitalist!

Right-Isolationist
We deserve it because we're statist!

Hippie
Dude, that's so not cool!

Pussy Libertarian
I voted for Ron Paul, tyrant!

Islamist
Death to the juice!

Celebrity
I'm so rich I don't have to think!

Then you have to pick your fall back position after being soundly romped by reason and logic:

Communism
Fascist!

Socialism
Fascist!

Progressivism/Fascism
Fascist!

Left-Anarchism
Fascist!

Right-Anarchism
Fascist!

Left-Isolationist
Fascist!

Right-Isolationist
Fascist!

Hippie
Fascist!

Pussy Libertarian
George W. Bush!

Islamist
Infidel!

Celebrity
Fascist! I'm moving to Canada!

And that's it. Nothing else! Enjoy your new found rebelliousness!

P.S. This is satire, not an actual argument against any of the above ideologies... well, except celebrity.