Anti-Americanism and You!

A quick guide on how to be a rebel while reaping
the benefits of the country you hate!

Do you feel you're too patriotic? How about proud? Happy? Healthy? Does the stench of prosperity, legal equality and freedom bring you down?

Well, don't fret any longer because you, yes YOU, can be an anti-American rebel! You can be a unique snowflake of ignorance and hate along with all the other snowflakes!

First, you need to pick your ideology:

Communism
Tell people what to do!

Socialism
Tell people what to do nicely!

Progressivism/Fascism
Tell people what to do through the use of flawed moral reasoning/guns!

Left-Anarchism
Tell people what to do through horizontally organization!

Right-Anarchism
What? Did someone say money?!?

Left-Isolationist
We deserve it because we're capitalist!

Right-Isolationist
We deserve it because we're statist!

Hippie
Dude, that's so not cool!

Pussy Libertarian
I voted for Ron Paul, tyrant!

Islamist
Death to the juice!

Celebrity
I'm so rich I don't have to think!

Then you have to pick your fall back position after being soundly romped by reason and logic:

Communism
Fascist!

Socialism
Fascist!

Progressivism/Fascism
Fascist!

Left-Anarchism
Fascist!

Right-Anarchism
Fascist!

Left-Isolationist
Fascist!

Right-Isolationist
Fascist!

Hippie
Fascist!

Pussy Libertarian
George W. Bush!

Islamist
Infidel!

Celebrity
Fascist! I'm moving to Canada!

And that's it. Nothing else! Enjoy your new found rebelliousness!

P.S. This is satire, not an actual argument against any of the above ideologies... well, except celebrity.